Everything's Not Lost
by alexwishington
Summary: Kurt would have been perfectly happy ignoring Blaine Anderson, and his true feelings for him, for the rest of his life. But on one fateful night, he's going to have to decide whether or not he can truly live without Blaine. Atonement crossover... kind of.


**A/N: **This has been in my computer for a while. It's actually a fill for a prompt on the Glee Kink Meme. Which reminds me I have to post this on there.

It's basically kind of an Atonement crossover. The prompt did call for sexy bookcase sex, but you all know me, I had to make this one big emotional love fest. I didn't stick to the plot entirely. I did change it so here you go.

I felt the need to finish this as kind of an apology for taking so fucking long to update my other fics. Really, I'm sorry, but I'm trying to pace myself so that I don't overwhelm myself. That and I have taken on other fics when I know I do not have the time to.

So I hope you like this and I hope you aren't too mad at me for being a horrid, lazy bitch.

* * *

><p>"I hate him. I hate him," Kurt grumbles to himself, practically emptying his closet out in one go.<p>

Why did Finn have to invite _him_ to dinner? Hasn't _he _annoyed Kurt enough today?

Kurt throws himself onto his bed, and thinks back on this afternoon. He was just trying to fill a damn vase with water from the fountain, but Blaine Anderson had decided to come pester him.

Blaine.

What an annoying boy. With his extremely good looks, and never ending charm. He annoyed Kurt to no end.

Blaine and Kurt go way back. Blaine's mother was Kurt's mother's favorite maid in the Hummel household and Kurt's father had pretty much adopted Blaine into their family. Therefore, Blaine was subject to perks, like tuition for school and privileges to their estate. Kurt and him were best friends practically their whole life. They ran around the property together and made forts in Kurt's room. They were together always.

But when the boys entered high school, things started to change. Kurt started to feel different about Blaine. He had started to develop romantic feelings for him. He told Blaine, and Blaine confessed he felt the same way. They were together 3 years before Kurt got scared. Scared at what others might think. People in this day and age didn't take too kindly to homosexuality.

So, even though it broke his heart, he broke it off with Blaine, telling him that nobody would ever accept them, and he hoped they could remain friends. Blaine had accepted it, but something was different. They drifted apart during their senior year, and even though they both attended the same college, they never really said anything to each other; other than a few cordial words occasionally.

Kurt had simply accepted the fact that they were no longer the same little boys that had built forts out of blankets.

And it killed him.

Kurt would have been perfectly happy ignoring Blaine Anderson for the rest of his life, but while away at college he forgot that Blaine lived with him. Blaine lived in a house bordering the property, but it was still way to close to Kurt.

Great.

If it was up to Kurt he wouldn't be living at home. He would be in London, living it up as a lounge singer or something, but he's here. In the English countryside. In the sweltering heat with Blaine Anderson.

Kurt looks out the window, and finds Blaine bending over the fountain. Kurt can't help but look at his ass. Just because he hates him doesn't mean that he can't look, right?

Blaine turns and looks right up at Kurt's window. Right into his eyes, and smirks slightly. Kurt turns around and feels himself blush.

_No, he can't make you blush. You hate him._

Kurt sighs and stands up, turning his back on the window to walk to the pile of clothes on the floor.

Tonight was going to be a long night.

* * *

><p>Blaine Anderson knows he shouldn't go to this dinner. He doesn't belong there, but for some reason he finds himself pulling out his best suit and dress shoes. He knows Kurt is going to rip his head off. He hasn't been the nicest to him since their breakup. He had a right to be, Kurt broke his heart, if anything Blaine should be the one who snipes at Kurt every time he sees him.<p>

Even though Kurt hurt him, Blaine can't actually hate him. After all of these years he still nurses a soft spot for Kurt. No matter how much of an arrogant bitch he's being with him

Blaine walks down the stairs of his and his mom's small, but cozy house in search of a dress shirt. He finds his mom dozing off on the couch, probably tired from all the cleaning she had to do today. Finn had invited his friend Noah Puckerman over for the summer, and that and the entire staff was on their feet all day, including Blaine, who had taken on gardening duties in order to pay back Mr. Hummel for all the money he's invested on Blaine's education.

"Momma," he says, shaking his mother gently.

"What?" She wakes, jumping up from her chair in surprise.

"I'm sorry I had to wake you, but I need a dress shirt and I can't seem to find any."

"Oh, they're here. I already ironed them, dear," she says, handing Blaine a white, pressed shirt. "It's actually good you woke me, I need to get back to the main house to finish preparing dinner."

"Momma, no, you're tired. Get Betty or someone else to do it, you should rest," Blaine says, concern heavy in his eyes.

"No, no, they're hopeless without me. I must go," Blaine's mother counters. "You go get ready, you're dining with the boss's son tonight."

Blaine groans. "He's going to rip my head off."

"It's only because he's a bit bitter you two had to end things."

"He's a lot bitter, and _he_ ended it," Blaine grits out, clutching at the shirt in his hand forcefully. His mother slaps his hand, giving him a reproachful look and smoothes out the shirt before handing it back to Blaine.

"All the same," she says. "I really have to go. I'll see you later tonight."

"Yeah, don't overwork yourself, momma," Blaine says, concern evident in his face.

"I won't," his mother assures, smiling softly at her son. " You know, maybe all Kurt wants is an apology," she says, as she walks out the door.

Blaine saunters back to his room, thinking. Maybe his mom's right. Maybe all Kurt needs is an apology. Maybe after the apology Kurt might change his attitude toward Blaine.

Taking a chance, Blaine turns to his typewriter and begins typing furiously.

"Dearest Kurt- no, that's crap." Blaine rips the paper from the machine harshly, and crumbles it.

"Kurt," he starts, and stills. What exactly does he want to say? Blaine's mind starts to drift to…well to thoughts he shouldn't be thinking about right now.

"_Dearest Kurt, you may consider me mad, but lately I've been finding myself acting strangely and I don't think I can blame the heat…"_

Well that's a start. No, it's all wrong. As Blaine sits there thinking of something to say, he finds his mind getting away from him again. His thoughts drifting toward Kurt, naked, lying in Blaine's bed, his body spread out wanton and his lips parted slightly as Blaine worked his tongue down his shaft, licking and sucking as if he was starving for it. Kurt is making these small noises that make Blaine move his head faster, swallowing Kurt down and swallowing around him until Kurt spills down his throat.

In an act of spontaneity, Blaine surges forward suddenly and types something he shouldn't type, but damn he can't help it.

"_In my dreams I suck your cock, your sweet, wet cock." _

"What the hell is wrong with you Blaine?" He scolds himself, removing the page and folding it. He's about to give up, when he looks around and spies a pen.

Maybe a handwritten letter is the way to go. He grabs the pen, and the words seem to flow through him.

"_Kurt, I know that I probably have no right in writing this, but I wanted to apologize… for everything. For the past, and for the way I've been acting ever since we broke up. I just really want my best friend back. -Blaine."_

There. That seems adequate enough. Even though the part of him wanting to be friends is a lie. Blaine wants to be so much more than that, but he'll be lucky if Kurt'll look at him in the eye after tonight.

Blaine sighs and folds the letter, placing it next to the unusable one. He gets up and makes to get ready, walking to the bathroom. Maybe a nice long bath will calm his nerves.

When he's deemed himself decent enough he grabs the letter, places it in an envelope and walks out of his room and then the house.

Blaine walks down the road, thinking of any and all excuses to talk to Kurt and give him the letter when Finn pops up from the bushes.

"Hey man," Blaine greets cordially.

"Hey," Finn says, clearly sounding out of breath.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Just taking a walk before dinner," Finn answers, and Blaine knows it's not true. He was probably making out with Rachel Berry. She's the daughter of one of the maids and she was relatively a nice girl, but most of the time she was rather annoying and loud. "I was going back to the house now, gotta wash up for dinner."

Suddenly Blaine is struck with an idea. "Hey Finn, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Run over and give this to Kurt for me?" Blaine asks, handing Finn the envelope. It'll probably give Kurt time to take in Blaine's apology so that Blaine doesn't have to grovel so hard when they come face to face.

"Sure, man. Let me just go and give this to him," Finn says, and runs back in the direction of the main house.

It isn't until Finn's gone that Blaine realizes something. What letter did he grab? The one on the left or the one on the right?

Holy shit.

He grabbed the wrong one. The letter he handwrote is still sitting next to his typewriter back home while the obscene one is currently on it's way to Kurt.

"Oh my God," Blaine says frantically. "Finn!" He calls out, but Finn is long gone. "Shit, shit, shit." Blaine walks rapidly in circles, trying to figure out how the hell he's going to get out of this one. As if Kurt didn't hate him enough, now he's going to absolutely loath him. He wont even be able to look at Blaine in the face anymore.

"Fuck," Blaine curses to himself. His chance to fix things with Kurt has been ruined, and all thanks to one stupid letter. Blaine deliberates with himself for a moment, not really sure on whether he should run back home or face Kurt. But after hitting his head on a nearby post, he decides to go to the dinner anyway, Might as well face the consequences of his actions, or in this case words. Who knows maybe he can get Kurt alone to talk to him and apologize. He can blame the heat.

Blaine takes a deep breath and begins the now daunting path to Kurt's house, gnawing on his lip and nails the whole way there.

* * *

><p>Kurt must have gone through his entire wardrobe before he found something suitable to wear.<p>

It's funny really, because Kurt ends up choosing the most basic black tuxedo. Why the hell us he so worried about impressing Blaine Anderson?

He doesn't need to impress Blaine at all. Not, gorgeous, sweet, tender Blaine Anderson. No Kurt, stop it!

Kurt rolls his eyes to himself and after checking his hair one final time, ventures off to the sitting room where he, Finn and Noah were to enjoy some pre-dinner cocktails.

When he enters the room he only finds Noah, already sipping on what looked like straight scotch.

"Noah Puckerman," Kurt says, garnering the boys attention. "Long time no see."

"Porcelain," Noah smiles and bounds forward to hug Kurt fiercely.

"Okay Noah, can you let me breath?"

Noah releases Kurt and turns to the bar. "What's your poison, Porcelain?"

"Gin and Tonic," Kurt answers, almost sounding bored.

"Nice choice," Puck commends, and fixes Kurt his drink.

"So, where's my brother?" Kurt wonders. It's strange that Noah is sitting at the bar by himself without Finn talking his ear off.

"No idea. I just got here like twenty minutes ago. He was nowhere to be found." Noah says, handing Kurt his drink.

"Thanks."

Puck opens his mouth to say something, but at that precise moment Finn bursts through the door.

"Puck!" He yells and runs to him, shoving the letter in Kurt's hand as he goes.

Kurt looks at the envelope, puzzled. There's no name on the front so who can this be from? He opens the envelope, pulls the letter from within it and lets out a gasp as he reads it.

"F-Finn," he says shakily. "Finn, who's this from?" he asks hoping that maybe it's some sick prank. Oh god, it had better be a sick prank.

Finn turns slightly. "Oh, it's from Blaine," he answers before turning back to Puck.

Kurt's eyes widen. This letter is from Blaine? Why the hell us he sending this to Kurt? What does it mean? Why the hell does it affect Kurt the way it's affecting him?

Kurt doesn't have time to freak out because the doorbell rings and he knows that it's Blaine and now when Kurt sees him he's not going to be able to get the letter out of his head. He has to talk to him about it, he has to see why the hell he would send him this.

"I got it," he announces to the room and the boys merely wave him off.

Kurt makes his way quickly through the house, stuffing the letter into his jacket, and takes a deep breath before opening the door.

There, looking so gorgeous it isn't even fair, is Blaine Anderson. An expression of complete worry on his face.

"Hello Blaine," Kurt says courteously, and Blaine smiles at him hopefully.

"Hello Kurt, how are you?" he says. Kurt merely nods and turns on his heal, hopping that Blaine will get the message and follow him. Apparently he does because Blaine is following Kurt through the house and into the library. Once they're inside and Kurt's turned on the light on the desk, he turns around looking Blaine in the face.

"Look, about the letter," Blaine says first, but Kurt holds his hand out, signaling him to stop.

"Why?" Is all he asks, his face is expressionless, his voice is even, and quite frankly it's scaring the hell out of Blaine.

"Why did I send you this letter, you mean?" He asks, his hands shaking.

"Yes," Kurt answers trying to keep his voice even.

Blaine takes a deep breath, his eyes darting around the room. "I…I didn't mean to send it to you. There was another letter, something more…well, something not as…vulgar as the one you're holding. That letter was not for your eyes."

"Oh, so it was for your own sick pleasure? Something for you to…to look at while you…you know," Kurt rages, anger overshadowing every other emotion in his body.

Blaine cowers back, afraid of Kurt's wrath. "No, Kurt, really I…I never meant to write it. I had written something more…proper more…look, Kurt, I just wanted to apologize."

"Apologize about what?" Kurt snaps, because really, what does Blaine have to apologize about? "You're not the one that ended what we had. You're not the one that… broke a heart…"

"I did though. I was horrible to you after our break up, Kurt. You said you wanted to continue being friends and I ignored you," Blaine says, pacing around the room.

"I know why you did it," Kurt whispers, because he does. He knows that Blaine didn't want to be friends with him after their relationship ended because there was always going to be a small part of him that wanted something more with Kurt. Kurt knows that feeling all too well, because he's had that feeling many times in the years that he and Blaine have been apart.

"No you don't," Blaine says, shaking his head. "You can't possibly know why I ignored you. Why I didn't even want to be friends anymore."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't!" Blaine nearly yells, and Kurt takes a step back, fear overtaking his body in a split second. "You don't know. How could you possibly know? I was in love with you, Kurt, and you broke my heart. You broke me, and I had to…forget about you. I had to get you out of my head and that's why I ignored you. I couldn't be friends with you because every minute I spent with you only reminded me of what we didn't have anymore."

"Blaine," Kurt whispers shakily, tentatively taking a step forward.

"I never stopped loving you," Blaine admits, looking up at Kurt with watery eyes. "Never, and I've done nothing wrong. You were the one to end things. You were the one who stomped on my heart, and you're the one that is rude to me and always snaps at me. I should be the one to be bitter, because I was the one who was wronged here. But I'm not because I can't be mad at you. Even though I want to hate you with every fiber of my being, I just can't. Because I fucking love you so much." He slams his hand on the desk in frustration, finally letting the angry tears fall from his eyes, and Kurt realizes just what he's done.

He didn't know just how much he had broken Blaine back when he ended things with him. He thought he would bounce back because he's Blaine. He's so strong and fierce and nothing can hurt him, but now Kurt is realizing that he's hurt him. And to make things worse he's always rude to him. Blaine is right, he's done nothing wrong.

And fuck, Kurt hates it. He hates that he's this…this…bitch. All the fucking time. He just wants to yell at something because his actions have broken Blaine. His strong, beautiful Blaine. Actually, Kurt's not really sure he can call Blaine his anymore. Not after everything's he's done.

"Blaine, I'm…sorry," Kurt says, because he can't figure out what else to say. "I didn't know how much…pain I was putting you in. I…I'm a horrible person."

"You're not," Blaine says suddenly and it catches Kurt by surprise. "You're not, you're beautiful, and kind, and…perfect."

Kurt is truly taken aback by Blaine response. Even after all Kurt's put him through, Blaine is still calling him beautiful and perfect…because he loves him. He's always loved him, and Kurt has too. He's never stopped.

And just like that it hits Kurt. He shouldn't care what people say about his personal life. It was his personal life and if he wants to date and love Blaine then by god he's going to.

Slowly, he walks forward where Blaine's looking at the desk, his hands gripping the edges tightly. Kurt grabs Blaine's face, tilting it to the side to meet his lips in a hungry kiss. Blaine is caught off guard, but nonetheless returns the pressure on his lips, turning his body to push Kurt up against the bookshelf. Kurt sighs contentedly, and just melts into his embrace, wrapping his arms around Blaine's neck and basically fucking Blaine's mouth with his tongue.

God, he's missed this. Missed the taste of Blaine's tongue. He's gone so long without it and he swears silently to himself that he's never going to go without it again. It's like a drug. A delicious, addicting drug that Kurt can never get enough of.

Blaine presses himself closer to Kurt's body, his hands pushing Kurt's jacket off followed by his tie. All the while Kurt's lips never leave Blaine's, he kisses Blaine until he can feel his lips bruise, and even then Blaine's lips never leave Kurt's skin. He kisses down Kurt's neck, licking and sucking at random spots. When Blaine reaches a spot just under Kurt's jaw, Kurt releases a high pitched moan, his hands pressing even harder into Blaine's back.

"Blaine, fuck me," Kurt begs, and Blaine pulls back to look at him. His honey-green orbs piercing right through to Kurt's soul.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"Yes," Kurt answers. "Why? Don't you want to?'

"No, of course I want to, I do. It's just that…I've never really been with anybody…you know…sexually since…we broke up," Blaine admits, and Kurt gapes at him.

In their relationship they had held off on the sex, always saying that they weren't ready to take things so far so soon. But that doesn't meant hat they weren't complete prudes throughout their entire relationship. They had indulged in hand jobs and blow jobs, and they were quite good at it.

It's shocking now that Blaine is telling Kurt that he's never been with someone else, because…it's Blaine. He's gorgeous and looks even better naked, he should have been a boy and girl magnet.

"Oh, you haven't?" Kurt asks, and Blaine shakes his head. "So that means you're still…"

"A virgin? Yeah," Blaine confesses, and even in the dim light of the library, Kurt can see his cheeks have ignited in a bright red color.

Kurt smiles softly, and returns his lips to Blaine's, delivering a tender kiss this time as opposed to returning to the animalistic one like before.

"You don't…you don't mind?" Blaine asks, bewildered.

"Of course I don't mind…I…I'm one too. A virgin, I mean," Kurt admits, smiling at Blaine. "I never really found a boy who could compare to you, so I didn't even bother going to bed with them."

"I love you, Kurt Hummel," Blaine says before crashing his lips to Kurt's with renewed passion that knocks the air out of Kurt's lungs.

"Love you too," Kurt gasps out against Blaine's lips, and he realizes that the words have never been truer. He does love Blaine, he did back then and he always will. No matter what society says, they're always going to be soul mates.

"Are you sure you want to do this here?" Blaine asks, his fingers tracing Kurt's face delicately. "You know, since it's the first time for both of us."

"Yes." Kurt basically doesn't care that they're in the library. All he wants is to feel Blaine. In every way possible. Besides, they've got the rest of their lives to have all the romantic sex they want. "Take me," he whispers, and he knows that it sounds horribly cliché, but he's losing his virginity, the words 'fuck me' aren't remotely romantic enough for the occasion.

Blaine looks into Kurt's eyes one final time before he leans forward to press his lips to Kurt's, trying to pour every single ounce of love and tenderness into that kiss.

"Blaine, please," Kurt whispers, peppering Blaine's face with tiny kisses.

"I need you to tell me," Blaine murmurs.

"Tell you what?"

"That you love me. That you're not doing this because you feel bad for treating me like shit all these years. That you want me to…take your virginity," Blaine says, his eyes teary, and Kurt's heart breaks at this.

"Blaine, I…of course I love you. Do you know how many times I regretted the fact that I didn't lose my virginity to you? God, I didn't want to have sex with any of those other boys because I didn't want to lose my virginity to them. I wanted to lose it to you. I want you, Blaine, fuck I want you so bad." Kurt surges forward, attaching himself to Blaine's face. "Please, Blaine, make love to me."

Blaine pulls away, and Kurt nearly thinks that he's going to leave, but then Blaine slowly removes his own jacket, pulling at his tie. He unbuttons his shirt and shrugs it off, stepping back a little so that Kurt can look at him.

God, Kurt's almost forgotten just how beautiful Blaine looks like without his shirt on. He's seen Blaine without a shirt countless of times after their break up, naturally, but never this intimate. Well, not since they were together.

Slowly, Kurt reaches out and runs his hand down Blaine's stomach, bringing a deep noise from within Blaine's chest, almost like a purr.

"I almost forgot how beautiful you are," Kurt states, running his thumb across the scar on Blaine's shoulder. He's had that scar since he was 13. He'd gotten it when he had challenged Kurt to a foot race and had tripped on his unlaced shoe laces, falling into a rose bush and getting speared by one of the thick stems.

"I'm not beautiful," Blaine whispers diffidently, and Kurt places his fingers over his lips.

"You are," he says, kissing Blaine gently. "You are undeniably gorgeous, Blaine."

Blaine blushes faintly, leaning in to Kurt's shoulder. "I'm not as gorgeous as you, my beautiful angel."

Kurt freezes. It's been so long since Blaine's called him that. He used to say it every day, and it was once Kurt's favorite part of the day. Since they broke up, he's tried to get rid of the emotional ties the name angel held for him. He's so glad he doesn't have to cry a river when he hears it anymore.

"You haven't called me that since we broke up," Kurt whispers, breathing a little shallowly.

"Oh, should I not call you that? I'm sorry," Blaine says hurriedly, but Kurt shakes his head, pressing his lips to Blaine's neck.

"No, it's okay…I missed you calling me that," Kurt admits, and he can't see it, but he knows that Blaine is smiling. Deep down Kurt knows that he missed calling Kurt his angel.

"Blaine, I don't mean to rush you, but we really don't have so much time. They're expecting us for dinner," Kurt reminds Blaine, wishing like hell he can just skip dinner and spend the night in bed with Blaine, but he knows that his father would kill him if he misses a family dinner.

"Do you want to…do this later?" Blaine asks, and Kurt throws him a bitchy look. "I don't want to rush it."

"Blaine, we have the rest of our lives to go slow, right now I just want you inside of me," Kurt says, mouthing at Blaine's neck.

"You…you said the rest of our lives," Blaine states dumbly, not believing the words left Kurt's mouth.

"Yes. Blaine, I am never letting you go again. I'm in this till the end," Kurt promises, with as much certainty as he can muster, looking up at Blaine who's hazel eyes are shining with tears.

"You mean it?"

"I mean it."

Blaine surges forward, connecting his lips to Kurt's furiously, working at Kurt's own jacket and bowtie. Once Kurt is as bare as him at the top, Blaine starts reacquainting himself with Kurt's creamy white skin, running his fingers across Kurt's sensitive nipples and tugging slightly.

"Blaine, please," Kurt whines kicking off his shoes. Blaine slides down Kurt's body, unzipping his trousers and tugging them down his legs, underwear and all. When he gets to Kurt's sock covered feet, Blaine lifts a leg at a time to remove the socks and expose Kurt's feet, leaving him completely bare. Blaine stands back up and rakes his eyes down Kurt's body. This is the first time in years that Kurt's been completely naked in front of Blaine, and he can't help but feel nervous. What if Blaine doesn't like what he sees? What if Blaine's developed a taste for more toned guys?

"Hey, don't do that," Blaine says when Kurt starts curling in on himself, trying to hide his body. "You're just as beautiful today as you were the last time I saw you."

Kurt flushes and he knows for a fact that the blush goes all the way to his chest, judging by Blaine's chuckle.

"You should get…you should lose your pants too. It's only fair," Kurt says shakily, and Blaine throws him a smile before stepping back to rid himself of the clothes on his lower body.

Kurt's eyes widen when he takes in Blaine's fully naked body. Was his cock always that big? Or was Kurt just unobservant? Either way, he has the sudden urge to get down on his knees and take it into his mouth. Oh my god, when did Kurt's thoughts get so bold? Shouldn't he be the blushing virgin?

"Kurt, you're staring," Blaine states, taking a step closer to him, and Kurt can practically feel the heat radiating off of his body, and god does it feel good.

"S-sorry, I just…your body, Blaine," Kurt says, and Blaine releases a giggle, that's too adorable for words.

"It's the result of all of the hours I spend lugging around bags of fertilizer," he teases, and Kurt playfully shoves him.

"Remind me to thank my dad for making you carry all of that."

Blaine smiles, and pushes Kurt up against the bookshelf again, kissing him deeply. Kurt moans into his mouth, his tongue gliding with Blaine's and he's getting into it when Blaine pulls away. Kurt releases a displeased noise, but Blaine merely brings his fingers up to his mouth and Kurt realizes what he's doing. He reaches up and redirects Blaine's fingers to his mouth, sucking on them and dragging his teeth across the pads of them, and Blaine moans, low and deep. Kurt smiles around the fingers and continues to lave at them, getting the nice and wet, until Blaine pulls them out. He trails them down Kurt's body, right past his cock and his balls, and halts at Kurt's entrance.

Kurt's breath hitches, as Blaine rubs his fingers around the rim, getting it wet. He can't believe that it's actually happening, after all of those years wanting for Blaine to do this to him, it's actually going to happen. Right here. Right now.

Blaine gently pushes a finger past the tight ring of muscle, and Kurt releases a cry of pain. It hurts, he's not going to lie, but he didn't think it would burn this much. And Blaine is barely at one finger.

"Kurt," Blaine whispers fretfully, halting his movements. "Am I hurting you, sweetheart?"

"Y-yeah, but it's inevitable, don't stop, Blaine," Kurt gasps out, and Blaine looks at him nervously.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure, please," Kurt pleads, and Blaine nods, moving his finger in and out slowly.

"Kurt, I'm going to have to add another finger," he says, his voice small. Kurt knows that Blaine doesn't want to hurt him.

"O-okay."

Blaine pulls out and returns with two fingers, and fuck, the burn intensifies. Blaine scissors those fingers, trying to stretch Kurt as quickly as possible, but as time passes by, Kurt starts to feel the pain fade, and pleasure overtake him.

"Mmm, Blaine, it's starting to feel good," Kurt moans, moving his hips in time with Blaine's fingers.

"Y-yeah?"

Kurt nods emphatically, dropping his head to Blaine's shoulder. The pleasure is just intensifying with every stroke in; and when Blaine crooks his fingers experimentally, Kurt yells, actually yells out at the wave of pleasure that crashes over him. Thank god for soundproof walls.

"Blaine, again, do that again," Kurt demands, and Blaine obeys, rubbing up against that spot as often as possible until Kurt is practically weeping with pleasure.

"Blaine, please, I'm ready. I need you inside of me. Please," Kurt sobs, and Blaine pulls his fingers free. He licks his palm and brings it to his cock, trying to get it wet enough so that it doesn't hurt Kurt too much. He would rather be using lube, but then again, he's in the library at Kurt's house…yeah, lube is not an option right now.

When he deems his cock wet enough, Blaine uses his hands to lift Kurt, urging him to wrap his legs around Blaine's waist.

"This is really happening," Kurt whispers excitedly.

"Yeah, are you sure?"

"Yes, Blaine, and if you ask me that one more time then I will seriously punch you," Kurt grits out, wiggling in Blaine's arms slightly, and he can feel Blaine's erection against his ass, and he kind of wants it inside of him already.

"Sorry, I just really want to make sure it's what you want," Blaine says, his eyes half closed, because the friction he's getting from Kurt's skin is fantastic.

"It is," Kurt whispers, leaning in to give Blaine a tender kiss. "I want you, in every way possible."

Blaine smiles, leaning his forehead against Kurt's briefly, before balancing Kurt's weight on one arm while his other hand goes down to position his cock at Kurt's entrance.

"Ready?"

Kurt nods, biting his lip in anticipation. Blain presses one final kiss to Kurt's cheek and begins the push inside, slowly so as to not hurt him more than necessary. It still hurts though, it actually hurts a lot. Much more than Blaine's fingers hurt. But even though it hurts, it feels…right.

Blaine looks up and notices Kurt's face screwed up in pain and he immediately stops, worry etched on his face.

"Kurt," he starts, but Kurt presses his lips to Blaine's in order to shut him up.

"Keep going, all the way in," Kurt pants.

"All the way in?"

"All the way in."

Blaine nods and continues to push until he's completely inside of Kurt and he stills, waiting for Kurt to give him the go ahead to start moving.

After a few minutes, Kurt feebly nods his head, latching on to Blaine's back. Blaine pulls out and pushes back in slowly, and the drag feels so good that Kurt's head lolls back and hits the bookshelf.

"God, Kurt, you feel so…so fucking good," Blaine groans, his hips moving sinuously slow. It still hurts, but it's getting better with each thrust in. with each stroke in, Kurt starts to feel the pleasure beat out the pain, and before long it's completely washed out and all that's left is an overwhelming feeling that Kurt can't believe he hasn't felt until now.

"Y-you too," Kurt pants out, the desire for Blaine to move faster growing each second. "You can move faster you know."

"I don't want to hurt you," Blaine grits out, clearly he wants to move faster as well.

"You're not, Blaine, it feels so, oh god, so good. Please, move faster," Kurt moans, grabbing onto Blaine's shoulders so he can start moving, the pleasure intensifying like whoa.

Blaine starts moving faster, letting go of Kurt's hips to brace his hands on the bookshelf so he can move faster. All the while Kurt's still moving his own hips, bearing down on Blaine's cock, his hands gripping Blaine even tighter, trying to pull him in even closer than he is now.

"God, Kurt," Blaine groans, his hips snapping forward, causing Kurt to be pushed into the bookshelf with each thrust. Kurt doesn't really care, though. The shelf is digging into his back, and it should be uncomfortable to other people, but Kurt doesn't really notice. All he's focused on right now is the feeling of Blaine inside of him. He always imagined what it would feel like, but he never imagined that it would feel like this. He feels like he's flying, as cliché as it sounds. It's a combination of that and feeling a fire burning deep in his belly. A fire that he never wants to get rid of because it just feels so damn good.

And the fact that he's doing this with Blaine, that his first time is with Blaine, adds a whole new element to this experience. Because along with the floaty feeling and the fire, Kurt also feels butterflies. Those butterflies that are in his stomach every time he thinks about Blaine. That's what's making this experience so mind-blowing. The fact that Kurt's not losing his virginity to any old person off of the streets, but to Blaine. The boy who he's been in love with since he was a kid.

In an act of spontaneity, Kurt leans in, connecting to his lips to Blaine's with such tenderness that it catches Blaine off guard, making him stop his thrusting abruptly. Kurt squeezes his shoulders to let him know to keep going. That just because he's kissing him in a way that completely doesn't match what they're doing from the waist down, doesn't mean that he should stop.

Blaine starts moving again, but this time he doesn't move in an animalistic pace. He thrusts in with long and deep strokes, displaying the same amount of tenderness as Kurt had with that kiss.

"Oh my god," Kurt keens, letting his head fall back against the bookshelf again. He knows that they're probably taking longer than they should be, but he's not inclined to care because this feels so perfect, and he never wants it to stop. He doesn't care that he's supposed to be in parlor, smiling and drinking with his family, Kurt just wants to live in this moment with Blaine for a s long as humanly possible.

But alas, he can't because he does have a dinner to get to. Him and Blaine have a dinner to get to and even though this is lovely, and perfect, Kurt knows that he will get hell if his father catches him having sex with Blaine in the back of the library.

Blaine seems to sense this, and starts moving a smidgen faster, moving his hands back down to Kurt's waist to help him move, trying to quicken their impending orgasms.

"Blaine, oh god, yes," Kurt whimpers, moving his hand from Blaine's back to jerk himself off, the burning in his stomach intensifying so that it's the only thing he feels now.

"Kurt, so, so close," Blaine grunts, his hips snapping forward rapidly.

"M-me too, come with me, Blaine, oh god, _Blaine_," Kurt keens loudly, finally allowing himself to let go, coming all over his hand and Blaine's stomach.

Blaine, drops his head to Kurt's shoulder, biting down on it to muffle his own pleasure filled scream, as he comes hard inside of Kurt.

When they've both descended slightly from their highs, Blaine's legs finally give out and the both of them collapse to the floor in a sweaty, panting heap. Kurt can start feeling the come trickle out of him and down his leg, and it might be hot in the heat of the moment, but right now it's pretty disgusting.

"Oh, yuck," Kurt says, wiping the cum off of his leg.

"Here, let me," Blaine says, crawling to get his jacket from which he pulls out a handkerchief. He crawls back to Kurt's side and starts cleaning him up, trying to be as gentle as possible seeing as Kurt's probably sore. When he's finished he moves to rest against the bookshelf, still breathing a little heavily.

"I never knew you owned a hankie," Kurt chuckles, moving over to nuzzle the side of Blaine's neck. "It's very proper of you."

"Well, when you're used to sweating most of the day, you start having a fondness for them," Blaine answers, wrapping his arms around Kurt's body.

"Mmm, thank you," Kurt sighs, closing his eyes for a minute to enjoy this moment with Blaine before he has to go back into the real world.

"For what?"

"For forgiving me. For not hating me for being a complete jerk…for loving me."

Blaine smiles and presses a kiss to Kurt's forehead. "Of course, and thank you. For giving yourself to me. For giving me the one thing that I will cherish forever."

"My virginity?"

"No, your love."

Kurt grins widely, not being able to keep in the excitement he feels deep inside of himself right now.

"I just want to lay here with you forever," Kurt breathes, resting his head on Blaine's chest, where he can clearly ear his heart beat.

"A much as I would love that, you know that we can't do that. We still have a dinner to go to. We're probably late."

"I don't care, I just had sex with the person I love. Nothing else really matters right now."

"As much as I agree with you, we have the rest of our lives to lie and do nothing, but right now we really have to present ourselves at that dinner. If not your father is going to think that I only came to try and seduce you into bed with me."

"Well, you kind of did," Kurt points out, and Blaine chuckles. The sound is so lighthearted and blithe, and it's something that Kurt hasn't heard in a long time. The sound gives him hope. That they're over their issues and can finally be happy together.

"There isn't a bed in here, though," Blaine defends, and now it's Kurt's turn to laugh. "But in all seriousness we should probably get dressed."

Kurt groans audibly, but nonetheless stands up and starts gathering his clothes.

Once they're both dressed again, and Kurt's fixed Blaine's tie, the two take one final glance at the bookshelf and walk out the door, hand in hand toward the dining room.

Kurt knows that once they reach the dining room they're going to have to let go. He doesn't want to tell his parents right away, and Blaine agrees. So for now they're going to have to act as if they are only friends.

"Blaine," Kurt says. "Will you…hold my hand…under the table? I…I don't really want to let go," he says bashfully, looking away.

"Of course I will," Blaine responds immediately, squeezing Kurt's hand one final time before letting go. Kurt misses the warmth, but he knows that Blaine's hand is going to be in his soon, so for now he just smiles, and holds on to that thought.

Blaine gives Kurt one final kiss before Kurt pushes open the door.

Here goes.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I know I probably diverged from the plot, but eh, here it is.

Once again, I'm really sorry for taking forever to update my other stories. I am working on new chapters for both of them as we speak so it shouldn't take long for me to get them out…hopefully.

I hope you enjoyed. Reviews would be awesome.

Until the next one…


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